Messages, Weegie Style

It’s funny the memories that stay with you. All the small insignificant episodes and experiences that stick to you from childhood like well chewed spitballs on the classroom ceiling. They’re there, you can see them but there’s no way of getting up there to clean them out. Some memories are disturbing, things you’d rather forget but for the most part, this week I have been remembering lots of odd wee things from my childhood. We’ve been clearing our the house getting it ready to sell and my mind has obviously doing a similar spring clean with its recollections. I’ve written about my childhood before. I was brought up in Queenslie, part of the Greater Area of Easterhouse. Sounds grand, doesn’t it? It wasn’t. Anyhoo,...

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I’ll pay for it.

Me: What’s that noise? Mum: It’s just the trough falling out the car. Me: The what now? Mum: The trough. Me: The trough? There’s no trough in the car. Mum: The…trow. Me: Trow? Do you mean trowel? Mum: … Me: Do you mean the windscreen scraper? Mum: is that what you cry it? Me: ………AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! ******** Next stop, the garden centre for lunch. Mum: Is this where you pay for it. Me: No, I’ll tell you where. Mum: Is this where you pay for it? Me: No, I’ll tell you where. Mum: Is this where you pay for it. Me: No, Mum. I said I’d tell you where. I pick up the tray and walk to the cashier. Mum picks up her heels and keeps walking. Me: Mum! It’s here! Mum: Why did you not tell me? Me:...

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Check Mate

[tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] We were wandering through the Homeware section of Tesco when we came across some ornaments in the form of chess pieces. Mum: That’s nice. What is it? Me: A queen. Mum: A queen? (she picks it up) A QUEEN? Me: Yes, mum, it’s a chess piece. Mum: Oh, right. What do you do with it? It’s a bit big to play with. Me: It’s just for decoration. Mum: That’s lovely. What’s this? Me: It’s a king. Mum: …. Me: Just an ornament. Mum: That’s lovely. I need deoderant. Me: Fine, what kind do you want. Mum: Och, the kind I like. Me: Which is…? Mum: I don’t know. I’ll recognise it when I see it. Me: Can you make out what’s on the shelves...

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Jam

[tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] Mum: I need jam. Me: Ok, what kind? Mum: Peach. Me: Peach? Mum: Yes. Me: Do you mean apricot? Mum: Yes ***** I was looking at notebooks. Mum: That’s got a nice batter. Me: Batter? Mum: Aye, batter. Me: Batter? What’s a batter? Mum: Batter! It’s the batter! That bit there (pointing) Me: Cover? DO you mean the cover? Mum: Aye, that’s what I said, the cover. Me: … [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] The social media...

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£29.87

[tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] At Tesco today: Cashier: ‘That’s £29.87, please.’ Mum: ‘£39.27?’ Cashier: ‘No, £29.87.’ Mum: ‘£27.99?’ Cashier: ‘Do you have your own bags?’ Mum: ‘I’m very well, thanks.’ Me: ‘I need booze.’ [tweetmeme source=”nettiewriter” http://www.URL.com] The social media...

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