This will pass…

Depression is a bugger, isn’t it? You can be bumbling along, happy as Larry, nary a care in the world when you suddenly stop short. There before you is a huge black hole, sucking all the joy, the fun, the light from your life, leaving you empty and unable to put one foot in front of the other. I’ve had depression for years. It comes and goes and I’m used to it, yet each time I feel the black dog pawing at me, it takes me by surprise. The depth of the darkness that envelopes me never seems so bad from the distance. Just as nature makes women forget just how horrendous childbirth is, being emotionally level pulls a veil over the horror of depression and it pulls the feet out from under me. Every single time. I’ve been going through a dark...

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Dear Fibro…

You know, I’ve had quite enough of fibromyalgia, thank you, and it can fuck right off. But of course, it’s a chronic illness and, as yet, incurable so I guess that’s not going to happen any time soon. Today, the bottom of my neck is very sore – I have a couple of fused vertebrae there anyway (woohoo for arthritis) but the fibro makes it a lot worse. My right pinky toe is giving me gyp. I can’t touch the muscles in my calves without wincing in pain. My right arm aches, oh, such a dull, bone-deep ache with waves of sharp pain coming and going on top. I like to think of my arm as one of Bach’s two part inventions. Or maybe a three part as my elbow isn’t exactly pain free either, despite many steroid injections and an operation. Then there’s my right upper leg...

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You Look A Little Tired…

No shit sherlock. I look a little tired? But otherwise, I’m fine, right? Look, I normally don’t like to moan too much about my illness. It’s boring for me, it’s boring for you, but sometimes, if I don’t share how I feel, I’ll explode in a ball of stressed, angry, raging pain. This fibro flare has lasted for a month now and came right after a month of chest infection/flu type thing. I am exhausted, tired in a way that sleep (when it comes) is totally ineffectual. I wake up in the morning every bit as tired as when I fell asleep which might have been at midnight, 02:00, 03:00 or even 05:00. Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean I’ll sleep. Cos that’s part of the condition, you see. Taunted like Tantalus I...

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I’ve been busy, honest…

So, it’s been a while. How have you been? Yes, I know you haven’t heard from me for a while, but I have had my reasons, honest! I’ve been going through a flare up of my fibro and haven’t been firing on all cylinders for a couple of weeks. I’m improving again and I hope to be 100% – or as near to it as i get – very soon. I’ve also been spending time building up my own little business, Meldrum Media, and have a few satisfied clients already. In fact, I’ve been so busy working for other people that my own business website has had to take second place and still needs quite a bit of work doing to it. The project which has taken up most of my time recently is #TweeHee, a campaign where I am trying to raise money for...

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