Mum visits the chiropodist in Oldmeldrum every 2 or 3 weeks. She has visited this chiropodist for around 5 years.

 

chirop heartMum: I got my chiropodist appointment through. It’s for a Wednesday.

Me: Which Wednesday, Mum? Tomorrow?

Mum: No, next week. The 11th. Oh, and I’ve to get my heart thing at the same place.

Me: The chiropodist is doing your heart thing?

Mum: No! It’s at the same place. In Inverurie.

Me: The chiropodist isn’t in Inverurie. It’s in Oldmeldrum.

Mum: Uh-huh. That’s right. The heart thing is in Inverurie. Beside the chiropodist. In the hospital.

Me: Erm… there isn’t a hospital in Oldmeldrum. The chiropodist is in Oldmeldrum, the hospital is in Inverurie.

Mum: Well…is it Inveraray then?

Me: No that’s in Argyllshire.

Mum: Where are we now?

Me: In Inverurie.

Mum: That’s right, Inverurie. I get my heart thing in Inverurie.

Me. OK, so the chiropodist is in Oldmeldrum and the heart thing is in Inverurie?

Mum: Yes.

30 seconds of silence.

Mum: But the chiropodist is in the hospital in Inverurie where I get my heart thing, isn’t it.

Me: NOOOOOOOOO! THE CHIROPODIST IS IN OLDMELDRUM AND THE HOSPITAL WHERE YOU GET THE HEART THING IS IN INVERURIE!

Mum: Och, see me? I’m a silly woman.

Me: *adds booze to the Tesco list*

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