The Chiropodist is on first base. Mum’s still in the dressing room…
Mum visits the chiropodist in Oldmeldrum every 2 or 3 weeks. She has visited this chiropodist for around 5 years.
Mum: I got my chiropodist appointment through. It’s for a Wednesday.
Me: Which Wednesday, Mum? Tomorrow?
Mum: No, next week. The 11th. Oh, and I’ve to get my heart thing at the same place.
Me: The chiropodist is doing your heart thing?
Mum: No! It’s at the same place. In Inverurie.
Me: The chiropodist isn’t in Inverurie. It’s in Oldmeldrum.
Mum: Uh-huh. That’s right. The heart thing is in Inverurie. Beside the chiropodist. In the hospital.
Me: Erm… there isn’t a hospital in Oldmeldrum. The chiropodist is in Oldmeldrum, the hospital is in Inverurie.
Mum: Well…is it Inveraray then?
Me: No that’s in Argyllshire.
Mum: Where are we now?
Me: In Inverurie.
Mum: That’s right, Inverurie. I get my heart thing in Inverurie.
Me. OK, so the chiropodist is in Oldmeldrum and the heart thing is in Inverurie?
30 seconds of silence.
Mum: But the chiropodist is in the hospital in Inverurie where I get my heart thing, isn’t it.
Me: NOOOOOOOOO! THE CHIROPODIST IS IN OLDMELDRUM AND THE HOSPITAL WHERE YOU GET THE HEART THING IS IN INVERURIE!
Mum: Och, see me? I’m a silly woman.
Me: *adds booze to the Tesco list*