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Me: Mum, can you pass me the prescription?

Mum: …

Me: Mum, please, pass me the prescription?

Mum: …

Me: MUM!

Mum: What? Were you speaking to me? I’m wearing a hat.

Me: …


Mum: What are you looking for? Gingerbread?

Me: I don’t eat gingerbread. Haven’t had that for years.

Mum: Och, you do. That Jamaican stuff.

Me: Really, I never.. wait, do you mean Soreen?

Mum: That’s it!


Mum: I’ll have to get yours and George’s birthday cards.

Me: Oh, you’ve got plenty of time. It’s not til March.

Mum: That’s right, we’ve got to get past Vampire’s day first.

Me: Yes, Mum, love sucks.


Mum: What was wrong with that woman on the till? Why did we have to move?

Me: Her till wasn’t working properly.

Mum: She might have told us.

Me: She did!

Mum: Did she? Oh, see this hat!

Me: Mum, you weren’t wearing your hat in Tesco.

Mum: No, neither I was.

Me: …
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