Mum: There’s something burning.
Me: I can smell it.
Mum: Yeah – it’s no a fire it’s just stuff burning.
Me: What kind of stuff?
Mum: You know, the stuff you burn at Christmas and New Year.
Mum: You know.
Me: You mean Hallow’een?
Mum: Aye! That’s it.
Me: You mean a bonfire.
Mum: No, that’s not what you call it.
Me: Yes it is.
Mum: No, it’s no a thing where you watch it and stuff.
Me: Mum, do you mean like the types of fire you have in your garden to get rid of garden rubbish?
Me: That’s a bonfire.
Mum: Is it? Oh well, that’s what it is then.
Me: What do you burn at Christmas? Is this some sort of human sacrifice you carry out on the quiet?
Mum: I don’t burn anything at Christmas. You’re losing it.
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