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Mum got into the car for the trip to Tesco.

Mum: There’s something burning.

Me: I can smell it.

Mum: Yeah – it’s no a fire it’s just stuff burning.

Me: What kind of stuff?

Mum: You know, the stuff you burn at Christmas and New Year.

Me: …..

Mum: You know.

Me: You mean Hallow’een?

Mum: Aye! That’s it.

Me: You mean a bonfire.

Mum: No, that’s not what you call it.

Me: Yes it is.

Mum: No, it’s no a thing where you watch it and stuff.

Me: Mum, do you mean like the types of fire you have in your garden to get rid of garden rubbish?

Mum: Yes!

Me: That’s a bonfire.

Mum: Is it? Oh well, that’s what it is then.

Me: Mum?

Mum: Yes?

Me: What do you burn at Christmas? Is this some sort of human sacrifice you carry out on the quiet?

Mum: I don’t burn anything at Christmas. You’re losing it.

Me: …..

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