You’re Doing It Wrong!
My next visitor to *DOSBBIS Island is Mr. Uku, aka Algernon Gaylord-Algernon, aka Gary Parkin. His eclectic choice is below. If you want to learn more about Gary, you can visit his website. If you want counselling, you’re on your own!
You’re doing it wrong.
As someone else recently said, when it comes to music, taste is a very personal thing. You don’t like what I like? Move along fool. I’m not interested.
Having said that, if you don’t like my selection, there’s something so wrong with you I feel you should seek professional help.
My selection comes after a lot of trawling through my collection. I wanted to pick out some tunes that reflected both how I feel and about my life in general. So what I’ve come up with is a virtual soundtrack to, Gary: The Movie.
Quiet now, the lights are dimming and it’s starting. Get comfy and enjoy.
I love a good funeral and I’ve been to quite a few over recent years as the family gets older and falls away. Many’s the time I’ve sat at the back of a chapel giggling with my cousin at the variety of characters who always turn up to see off the dead. And given that my family comes from a line of showies (carnies, if you’re American) you can imagine the kind of people we see.
So my first choice is suitably funereal, because what better way to start a film than by introducing the characters whose stories we’re going to be part of:
Cemetery Polka – Tom Waits
(Bonus Tom Waits track: What’s He Building In There? Because it’s damn creepy and is probably what people think of me.)
Winning friends and influencing people is important if we are to get through life. After all, it never hurts to have a second set of fingerprints easily available. But some people need a little more convincing, so our hero turns to the dark side:
I put a spell on you – Screamin’ Jay Hawkins (Lip synced by Jimmy Slonina)
(Bonus track: Jimmy is so good you must check out his other lip sync work. I like his Hong Kong Phooey)
Our hero gets his way and enjoys the power of casting his spell. However, some seem to be more immune than others and darker magic is needed. He needs The Hoodoo. This next song is about a hoodoo spell called the love me or die. If I – I mean if he gives it to you, you’ll become gravely ill. Your only hope is to let me look after you and make you well. After that, you’ll be so grateful to me – I mean, so grateful to him, you’ll love him forever. If not, then nothing can save you and your time is up.
Don’t think I won’t use it:
The Love Me Or Die – CW Stoneking
The love me or die is not something to be used lightly. What we needs next is a montage where our hero’s love gets sick and we wait to see if she will give him her heart. That means I get to use a tune Jean-Pierre Jeunet might use in Amelie or Micmacs:
Janet Klein and Her Parlor Boys – Unrequited
Does she live or die? I’m not telling you, you’ll have to watch the movie. But what I will tell you is this, hoodoo always comes with a warning and you use it at your own peril. But I’m used to peril – I mean our hero is used to peril. He knows this isn’t going to be easy and it’s going to hurt him too:
It Hurts Me Too – Tampa Red
We find ourselves at another funeral. But who’s in the casket and who’s at the back holding hands? The movie ends, the screen fades to black and the credits roll. Maybe the whole thing was symbolic after all. Maybe the only death was the little death our lovers experienced.
Little Ghost – The White Stripes
And so ends my music choice. I snuck in a few extra ones, but would you have expected me to play by the rules? Really? Then you’re a fool.
If you think I’ve done it wrong, then I’m glad to be wrong.
Been wrong all my life.
Not stopping now.
*DOSBBIS – Deserted Off Season But Busy In Summer