Good afternoon, Sir. How are you today?
Such frightful weather for this time of year.
I guess you’re wondering what someone like me
Is doing in your shop? Let me be clear

It’s not that times are hard, at least not yet.
But everyone could use a little more
To see them through until payday has come.
I know, it’s fine. You’ve heard it ALL before.

But who today wears diamonds and pearls?
They’re so old fashioned, one might say passé.
Mama suggested that I bring then round.
If left to me I’d give them all away.

They’re only worth how much? They’re made a paste?
That bastart telt me every wan wis sound.
Jist wait till ma haun meets Tam’s lousy face.
Ah’ll pound his lyin erse intae the ground.

The moral of this story should be heard.
Whatever Tam says, don’t believe a word.

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