Neds

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I have blogged about my bullying experiences before in two posts: Sticks and Stones One and Two. I spoke about how it was all in the past and that I was fine now. And until last night, I thought I was.

We sat down as a family to watch Neds, a film set in Glasgow in the seventies. I expected to enjoy it as the setting and period were both very personal for me. And that was the problem.

Almost at the very beginning, an older boy warned a bright, quiet young lad about how he would be treated when he moved up to secondary school: he would be tortured and killed. Big talk, maybe, but it was almost word for word the warning I had before I went up to the big school too. I had to ask for the fim to be turned off.

It has brought back all the fears and negative feelings I had when I went through it all in 1974, the year I went to secondary school.

And it seems I just can’t forgive the bastards who did it to me after all.
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22 Comments

  1. jackieat60
    Nov 26, 2011

    Powerful stuff Nettie, it is amazing the hurt and damage is caused by bullying, even after many years. Even when as an adult you can intellectually understand what happened, the inner child remembers.

    A reminder why bullying should be taken very very seriously.

  2. jackieat60
    Nov 26, 2011

    Powerful stuff Nettie, it is amazing the hurt and damage is caused by bullying, even after many years. Even when as an adult you can intellectually understand what happened, the inner child remembers.

    A reminder why bullying should be taken very very seriously.

  3. Susan Elliot Wright
    Nov 26, 2011

    Pretty hard to forgive, I should think. I’m lucky that I was never seriously bullied and nor were my children, but now my grandchildren are at school, I’m terrified for them because I know how common bullying is and how devastating it can be. The very fact that you had this reaction to the film demonstrates how long-lasting the effects can be.

  4. Susan Elliot Wright
    Nov 26, 2011

    Pretty hard to forgive, I should think. I’m lucky that I was never seriously bullied and nor were my children, but now my grandchildren are at school, I’m terrified for them because I know how common bullying is and how devastating it can be. The very fact that you had this reaction to the film demonstrates how long-lasting the effects can be.

  5. Glynis Smy
    Nov 26, 2011

    Nettie, my heart goes out to you. I have a daughter who knows just how you feel.

  6. Glynis Smy
    Nov 26, 2011

    Nettie, my heart goes out to you. I have a daughter who knows just how you feel.

  7. Joanne (@OpinionsToGo)
    Nov 26, 2011

    Being bullied is being traumatized and, traumas can remain for a lifetime.
    So sorry that you had to relive this!

  8. Joanne (@OpinionsToGo)
    Nov 26, 2011

    Being bullied is being traumatized and, traumas can remain for a lifetime.
    So sorry that you had to relive this!

  9. clarekirkpatrick
    Nov 26, 2011

    (((((hugs))))) You’re lovely, Nettie xxx

  10. clarekirkpatrick
    Nov 26, 2011

    (((((hugs))))) You’re lovely, Nettie xxx

  11. Jeannie
    Nov 26, 2011

    Maybe it was good for you to remember it again so that you could get some more of it out of your system? Things like that take a long time to get past. We’re here for you, in any case, Nettie. Evildoers will never get away with it, Karma or whatever. You have a clear conscience as the victim, if you can let yourself think about it like that. They say that bullies were bullied themselves so who knows what kind of lives they led. Pity the bastards but don’t let them have power over you anymore by dictating your peace of mind. Forgive them for yourself, not for them. Forgiveness is for you to move past it. It’s not meant to absolve them of what they’ve done. xx

  12. Jeannie
    Nov 26, 2011

    Maybe it was good for you to remember it again so that you could get some more of it out of your system? Things like that take a long time to get past. We’re here for you, in any case, Nettie. Evildoers will never get away with it, Karma or whatever. You have a clear conscience as the victim, if you can let yourself think about it like that. They say that bullies were bullied themselves so who knows what kind of lives they led. Pity the bastards but don’t let them have power over you anymore by dictating your peace of mind. Forgive them for yourself, not for them. Forgiveness is for you to move past it. It’s not meant to absolve them of what they’ve done. xx

  13. Marion Driessen
    Nov 27, 2011

    This hurt has settled itself so very deeply that at times like these (the movie) it will surface again. I am so very sorry you have to go through this dear Nettie. And I really hate the insensitive bullies who did this to you. *warmest hugs*. Rise up my friend, you are stronger than they will ever be.
    Love,
    Mar

  14. Marion Driessen
    Nov 27, 2011

    This hurt has settled itself so very deeply that at times like these (the movie) it will surface again. I am so very sorry you have to go through this dear Nettie. And I really hate the insensitive bullies who did this to you. *warmest hugs*. Rise up my friend, you are stronger than they will ever be.
    Love,
    Mar

  15. Martha
    Nov 28, 2011

    Well, they will either feel dreadful now, every time they look back at their school years, or they will have continued to bully people and probably received their come-uppance. Bullies are weak, pitiful creatures.

    Either way, you have survived and flourished despite them.

  16. Martha
    Nov 28, 2011

    Well, they will either feel dreadful now, every time they look back at their school years, or they will have continued to bully people and probably received their come-uppance. Bullies are weak, pitiful creatures.

    Either way, you have survived and flourished despite them.

  17. Ann Patey
    Nov 30, 2011

    I wonder how they’d feel now, as adults? I wonder if they would acknowledge and try to understand the impact they had on you? I saw a programme on TV recently where victims met up with those who’d committed a crime against them and it seemed to bring closure which they couldn’t have got any other way.

    Wish I could make you feel better but sending virtual hugs. And a kiss x

  18. Ann Patey
    Nov 30, 2011

    I wonder how they’d feel now, as adults? I wonder if they would acknowledge and try to understand the impact they had on you? I saw a programme on TV recently where victims met up with those who’d committed a crime against them and it seemed to bring closure which they couldn’t have got any other way.

    Wish I could make you feel better but sending virtual hugs. And a kiss x

  19. Abi Burlingham
    Dec 2, 2011

    Similar experiences for me too Nettie. I don’t think it ever goes away completely, just lurks in the background waiting for the trigger. It must have been hard when that moment in the film brought it all back. It’s hard to forgive too when people like that made our lives so unbearable. I guess the best we can do is make sure that we don’t let it happen in the adult world. Somehow too, I do think these things make us the people we ultimately are – hopefully stronger at the end of it. But if you gave me the choice, I’d rather have done without – you too, I bet!

  20. Abi Burlingham
    Dec 2, 2011

    Similar experiences for me too Nettie. I don’t think it ever goes away completely, just lurks in the background waiting for the trigger. It must have been hard when that moment in the film brought it all back. It’s hard to forgive too when people like that made our lives so unbearable. I guess the best we can do is make sure that we don’t let it happen in the adult world. Somehow too, I do think these things make us the people we ultimately are – hopefully stronger at the end of it. But if you gave me the choice, I’d rather have done without – you too, I bet!

  21. Janelle Dvorak
    Dec 5, 2011

    I’ve found the forgiving relatively easy–it’s the forgetting that troubles me in the dark hours. Hugs, Nettie.

  22. Janelle Dvorak
    Dec 5, 2011

    I’ve found the forgiving relatively easy–it’s the forgetting that troubles me in the dark hours. Hugs, Nettie.

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