I like books.

 

Why do I have so many books? No, seriously, I want to know. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought recently and I have to say I’m not exactly sure.

Not only do I have shelf after shelf of books, most of them are unread. I gave up buying fiction in a physical format a few years ago because it was frankly embarrassing how many were sitting there, waiting to be read, looking so forlorn and unloved. My kindle app is so full of books it’s hard to find the one I’m looking for. Virtual books can be hidden away where no one will see them and tut at my addiction.

As a scanner I have so many interests and several non-fiction books on each one. My shelves are filled with tomes on 19th century asylums, the plague, witchcraft, writing craft, cross stitch, symbolism, mythology, Glasgow, history, maps… I could go on.

When I was little I didn’t have many books at all. We didn’t have a lot of money but I always got books for Christmas and birthdays and I saved my pocket money, one shilling a week, to buy new titles. I have a very clear memory of going to buy a new book, finding one I liked, and not having enough money to buy it. I had to put it back and that was awful. I wasn’t allowed to go to the library to borrow books because my mum believed then to be dirty and full of germs, so I was always undernourished in literature.

I should make clear here how much books meant to me. I was bullied remorselessly at school. I’ve spoken about it before here and here. I was an only child, different, and with no friends. I learned to read when I was three and was always several reading books ahead of the rest of my class. My friends were the Famous Five, the Secret Seven, the World’s Naughtiest Schoolgirl and Heidi. So not having access to their stories was almost like being in solitary confinement. I was dreadfully lonely.

Let’s move forward a few years to my teens when the bullying made me feel totally unattractive and never, ever likely to have anyone fall in love with me. I felt ugly and worthless. But I knew I was fairly smart: I won prizes every year, was always top of the class and my brain soon became the only thing I had that I believed to be worth anything.

Now I am grown, married to my George and mother to Claire. You’d think I would be able to leave the past behind since I have everything I once thought would be denied to me. But… perhaps I am carrying the past with me still; does it look over my shoulder in Waterstones, lean on my fingers when I browse Amazon? Perhaps my book habit is just me, still looking for tangible proof that I’m worth something, and collecting new friends so that I need never feel lonely again.

Or maybe I just like books.

The social media thingamybobs:

10 Comments

  1. Margot Kinberg
    Apr 27, 2016

    I know what you mean, Nettie. I have a lot of books, too, and I love having them. I’ve not read nearly as many as I would like, but I still love having them, and knowing that I can read them.

    • nettie
      Apr 30, 2016

      They are like a comfort blanket, I think. Thanks for popping by, Margot xxx

  2. Mr Uku
    Apr 27, 2016

    I was always reading as a kid. I remember our school hosted a travelling bookshop and I made them wait while I ran home for some money but my mum wouldn’t give me enough for the book I wanted and all I could afford was a book called Whistling Clough and it was awful.
    When I got older I found that I was always skipping form one hobby/interest to another (Scanner) and rather than buy all the gear, I took to buying at least two books on whatever the subject of the moment was. That way I had two differing sets of information and was building my library. Now I have more books than I have room for and know everything in the whole world 😀

    • nettie
      Apr 30, 2016

      Yes, dear.

  3. karenjonesgowen
    Apr 27, 2016

    It’s so nice that you got your own happy ending! That’s sad you couldn’t go to libraries. I could never afford to buy books as a child, who can at that age? If I’d not been able to check them out at the library I don’t know what I would have done! Even now, most of what I read is from the library.

    • nettie
      Apr 30, 2016

      Libraries are just as important today, aren’t they? Glad you get so much pleasure from books too xxx

  4. Vivienne Tuffnell
    Apr 27, 2016

    Oh you could build the Great Wall of China with my to-be-read pile. Books are addictive and life-affirming all at the same time. I bought a book today, a second hand one on the Grail. The library was at the end of our road as I grew up and it was one place I was always allowed to go (it’s a pizza place now; the whole thing moved elsewhere after I left home) but I did read everything in the children’s section worth reading and then found myself all at sea in the adult fiction.

    • nettie
      Apr 30, 2016

      It is an addiction: Bool Lovers Annonymous… xxx

  5. Barbara Fraser
    Apr 30, 2016

    I too have lots of books but most of my I’ve read, before kindles were invented I used to panic if I was approaching the end of the book I was reading and didn’t have another book sitting waiting to be read. As a child a lot of happy hours were spent travelling by bus to the library in Riddrie and browsing the books and coming home with an armload of books, famous five and secret seven were among my favourites too. I’ve had people ask me why I have a lot of books on my shelves, why don’t you get rid of them once you read them???? I was shocked to hear this, get rid of my books, NEVER!!!!

    • nettie
      Apr 30, 2016

      Righ?! Get rid of our friends? They become part of us, don’t they? Thanks for sharing your story, Barbara xxx

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