Posted in Blog Posts

More About Mum

2014-03-28 20.08.22

There doesn’t seem to have been any improvement regarding mum. I am trying my best to stand back, but I find it terribly difficult. Yes, the stress of dealing with her makes me ill, but she’s still my mum.

Anyway, after withdrawing for a while I called her on Friday. She told me her ear was still sore and bleeding so I suggested she call the doctor. She promised she would and that she’d call me back as soon as he had left. I heard nothing from her all weekend but reckoned that if anything major was wrong, her carers or the sheltered housing warden would call me to let me know.

Yesterday, I gave in and called her. I got so many conflicting stories: that the doctor came and wanted her to take something but she didn’t have whatever it was that was prescribed. But there was nothing wrong with her mouth. Her mouth? Wasn’t it her ear? Yes, of course it was her ear. She never mentioned anything about her mouth. And she had been calling me all weekend. She either has been calling someone else or is just confused or lying because she forgot and was trying to hide the fact.

As you can imagine, as well as being confused and stressed out, I am furious that an 84 year old woman can be prescribed medication on Friday and still not have it by Sunday. Last night I wrote a testy email to her care manager saying that if anything detrimental to mum’s wellbeing was to occur, I would hold them and NHS Grampian responsible. I’ve had no reply.

I called mum again this afternoon. She still has received nothing from the pharmacy and now thinks she might have been confused and got it wrong. So I called the warden. She said that mum has a bloody dressing on her ear and that she expected the nurses would be back out to change it today, but she knows nothing about any prescription. She also said mum was very confused this morning, telling her I was up to visit her at the weekend.

Despite my own illnessI am going to have to make the effort to go and see her next week and have a face-to-face with her care team. It seems beyond them to use a conference call or a Skype call to get things organised. I’ll manage the trip, but I’ll be really ill for a while afterwards.

But she’s coping fine on her own and still able to make her own decisions. Oh, and enjoy her independence. I could weep.


Writer, photographer, creative fantasist.

3 thoughts on “More About Mum

  1. Oh Nettie, so so stressfull for you, in some ways good being away from her as you dont see it every day or week, but the worry when you realise you dont really know what is going on as she is so confused.

    I hope you manage to get up to visit and sort something out with the care team, you need to aware of how she is, because knowing that she can be very confused you cant believe all you hear from her, and without communication from the care team you are isolated from the truth.

    Good luck with your visit, I hope is a success. Please take care of you too though, you are important, your life is important and I hope you don’t find it too stressfull, hugs xxxx

  2. Oh, Nettie, I am so sorry this is happening. It’s stressful and painful for everyone, and I wish you weren’t having to deal with. I hope it all gets sorted out – soon.

  3. this is so dementia style : visits from imaginary folk and just any hint from anyone re Dr visiting , chemist, meds and she thinks it’s been done .
    Take care of yourself because as daft as this may sound, your mum has less health worries than you, and she worries less.
    Since my mother passed I’ve always wanted to see how the mind is affected by dementia , seeing she wiped out 80 years of memories by the time she died.
    It’s a cruel illness for the family , less for the patient as time goes on.
    Shame you aren’t closer so less stress on you, seeing you’ve a hellish journey before you actually start on decent roads and mileage!
    On good news for you , I’ve just called home, Maisie Moo licked the phone hello, and is perfectly happy with my sister while I’m away. In fact sister said she’s amazed at how good Teddy and Maisie Moo are with the cats, I add the daft beasts don’t know they are cats, lol.
    So wee Maisie Morag is doing well. ( brain washing sister to being her slave!)
    So that’s a wee bitty sunshine for you at this time. *hugs*
    Remember if you need to rant re mum, I’m available , and I did learn it’s good to rant after a while!

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