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Warning: Grumpy Alert

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I detest this time of year. Not in a “bah humbug” kind of way, but this administrative reboot of the calendar makes me reflect on the past twelve months and forces me to take stock of where I am and what I’ve achieved. And 2011 has sucked like a toothless granny eating a mint imperial.

I don’t think there has been one day where I can honestly say I have been pain free or not exhausted. Some days have been better than others, but I’m having to accept that I just can’t do what I want to anymore and that makes me angry and frustrated with myself. Depression has reared its ugly head again too, no doubt due to a combination of my illness and the medication I was taking to deal with it. The house is always needing stuff done and my ironing pile really isn’t funny.

Writing. Ah, yes, I remember writing. It’s that thing where you catch characters and stories and pin them to paper like specimens in a butterfly collection. But this year they are still annoyingly flitting about my head, laughing at me and avoiding my net like pros. Wee bastards. I haven’t finished more than a flash fiction since the summer holidays. At least photography has kept me going creatively.

Many good things have happened too: I am very happy with my family life, I was lucky enough to have had two holidays, I was long-listed in  Words With Jam competition and won umpteen books. I have been blessed with many good friends who have made me smile on even the darkest days and my dogs have been a constant joy.

But while some people may be looking forward to 2012 and making plans and resolutions for the year ahead, I’ll be battening down the hatches, bulk-buying chocolate and flapjacks and sticking two ladylike fingers up at old Father Time when I turn 50 in March.

As you were.
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Writer, photographer, creative fantasist.

26 thoughts on “Warning: Grumpy Alert

  1. You’re turning 50, again?
    This entire post sounds like the one I am preparing for my own blog. The fun seemed to have been sucked out of 2011 about half way through. My solution for you is thuslywise:

    Cheer up, and stop copying me.

    You’re welcome.

  2. Well Nettie I had a great laugh at the ‘wee bastards’ comment, but I do understand where you are coming from.

    I am not going to come out with any glib comments or platitudes, just offer a **hug** xx

  3. Aww. So sorry 2011 has been so unkind. It may not be writing but I think you tell stories with your pictures. Your creativity is not lying dormant.

    And being very happy with your family life is nothing to sneeze at!

    Do hope that you feel better in 2012. While you may not be able to do the things you once did, let’s see all the new and wondrous things you’ll be able to do. xxx

  4. Pain and depression as bedfellows simply drains everything. The fact that you have carried on and got stuff done of any sort is a big achievement indeed. The fact that you have also done it without once coming across as a moaner AT ALL is a massive and enviable achievement.
    This year has been a very mixed one for me. Very mixed. I’ve seldom come closer to saving up my pennies to have someone kneecapped in my life; only once before have aI come this close and that was when others were offering to chip in and raise the £50 fee and escort me to the nefarious dive where I could put a name on a table and say, like Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek, “Make it so.” The small crowd included a police officer.
    Anyway, what I am trying to do in my clumsy way is to say, well done, stop being so hard on yourself, and pat you on the back.

  5. Hey, lovely scrum bucket! You are younger than my husband (by a whole month!) and he’s still a silly young fool!
    Christmas is a weird time – full of mixed emotions and it just gets more and more complicated every year. I wrote something a couple of years ago about the pain that can come at this time of year, that I’ve been trying to dig out, but it looks like I decided it was rubbish and deleted it.
    The creativity is all still there – maybe you’re too much of a perfectionist … ???

  6. What a year full of suck you’ve had. Pain and illness are so hard to bare, especially when they stop you in your tracks. I know you feel yours has this year Nettie, but you tweet some lovely, funny stuff and your conversations with Mr Uku always make me laugh… and your blogs are lovely, so honest and full of warmth and humour… and your photos are amazing… and you’re such a good RTer of nice things. So, I know you may feel disappointed with what you’ve achieved, but I’m not disappointed. I hope if I’m ever ill I manage to raise my head above the clouds like you have. x x

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