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Category Archives: Conversations With Mum
Check Mate
16 Monday Apr 2012
Posted in Conversations With Mum
We were wandering through the Homeware section of Tesco when we came across some ornaments in the form of chess pieces.
Mum: That’s nice. What is it?
Me: A queen.
Mum: A queen? (she picks it up) A QUEEN?
Me: Yes, mum, it’s a chess piece.
Mum: Oh, right. What do you do with it? It’s a bit big to play with.
Me: It’s just for decoration.
Mum: That’s lovely. What’s this?
Me: It’s a king.
Mum: ….
Me: Just an ornament.
Mum: That’s lovely. I need deoderant.
Me: Fine, what kind do you want.
Mum: Och, the kind I like.
Me: Which is…?
Mum: I don’t know. I’ll recognise it when I see it.
Me: Can you make out what’s on the shelves there?
Mum: No, no really.
Me: (grabbing one from shelf) Try this one. You liked it before.
Mum: Did I?
Me: Yes. (crosses fingers behind back)
Arthur Miller’s Turning In His Grave
10 Tuesday Apr 2012
Posted in Conversations With Mum
Tags
Arthur Miller, beetroot, book, Crucible, dementia, mother, mum, Pony, S.G.MacLean, tesco
Another Tuesday, another tesco day with mum.
Mum: Are you getting anything in Tesco today?
Copyright Nettie Thomson
Me: Yes, a few things. I need tea, bread, rolls…and if Claire had her way I’d be bringing home a pony.
Mum: Phoney?
Me: PONY!
Mum: What?
Me: A pony! It’s for Claire. She always asks me to bring home a pony!
Mum: What?
Me: Never mind, it’s just a joke.
Mum: I don’t get it.
Me: It doesn’t matter.
Mum: It’s not funny.
***
I picked up a book to browse through, Crucible by S.G.MacLean.
Mum: What’s that book called?
Me: Crucible.
Mum: Crucible?
Me: Yes.
Mum: Since when were you interested in snooker?
***
Me: Mum, do you need beetroot?
Mum: What kind of fruit?
Me: Can I take wine intravenously…?
Don’t Panic!
03 Tuesday Apr 2012
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Dont Panic (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Mum: I phoned the doctor today and it was shut ‘cos there’s some sort of big emergency. Continue reading »
Knit one, print one…
09 Friday Mar 2012
Posted in Conversations With Mum
Tags
dementia, Knitting, Pattern, technology, technophobe, wool, yarn
Mum asked me to find a knitting pattern for her as she has a lot of yarn in the cupboard. I had a look online and found a great site here where I found some I thought she’d like. Continue reading »
Hats, they make you deaf, you know.
24 Tuesday Jan 2012
Posted in Conversations With Mum
Me: Mum, can you pass me the prescription?
Mum: …
Me: Mum, please, pass me the prescription?
Mum: …
Me: MUM!
Mum: What? Were you speaking to me? I’m wearing a hat.
Me: …
*****
Mum: What are you looking for? Gingerbread?
Me: I don’t eat gingerbread. Haven’t had that for years.
Mum: Och, you do. That Jamaican stuff.
Me: Really, I never.. wait, do you mean Soreen?
Mum: That’s it!
*****
Mum: I’ll have to get yours and George’s birthday cards.
Me: Oh, you’ve got plenty of time. It’s not til March.
Mum: That’s right, we’ve got to get past Vampire’s day first.
Me: Yes, Mum, love sucks.
*****
Mum: What was wrong with that woman on the till? Why did we have to move?
Me: Her till wasn’t working properly.
Mum: She might have told us.
Me: She did!
Mum: Did she? Oh, see this hat!
Me: Mum, you weren’t wearing your hat in Tesco.
Mum: No, neither I was.
Me: …
Jam
17 Tuesday Jan 2012
Posted in Conversations With Mum
Demolition Mum
11 Wednesday Jan 2012
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We were chatting about how so many of our past homes & places of work were no longer there.
Me: Our house in Carntyne is still standing.
Mum: Oh, they houses will stand ’til they’re knocked down.
No refuting that logic.
Bonfire of the Insanities
09 Monday Jan 2012
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Mum got into the car for the trip to Tesco.
Mum: There’s something burning.
Me: I can smell it.
Mum: Yeah – it’s no a fire it’s just stuff burning.
Me: What kind of stuff?
Mum: You know, the stuff you burn at Christmas and New Year.
Me: …..
Mum: You know.
Me: You mean Hallow’een?
Mum: Aye! That’s it.
Me: You mean a bonfire.
Mum: No, that’s not what you call it.
Me: Yes it is.
Mum: No, it’s no a thing where you watch it and stuff.
Me: Mum, do you mean like the types of fire you have in your garden to get rid of garden rubbish?
Mum: Yes!
Me: That’s a bonfire.
Mum: Is it? Oh well, that’s what it is then.
Me: Mum?
Mum: Yes?
Me: What do you burn at Christmas? Is this some sort of human sacrifice you carry out on the quiet?
Mum: I don’t burn anything at Christmas. You’re losing it.
Me: …..
Cheep Cheep!
30 Wednesday Nov 2011
Posted in Conversations With Mum
We walked along the pet food aisle in Tesco and got to the end when we had this conversation.
Mum: They don’t have that stuff for my bird.
Me: What stuff?
Mum: Millet.
Me: They don’t sell millet here. Do you mean Trill?*
Mum: No. Millet. Millet.
Me: From here?
Mum: Yes. Millet. For my bird. For Boris**
Me: Mum, they have never sold millet in Tesco. Do you mean Trill?
Mum: Are you sure? I got it here before.
Me: Mum, do you mean Trill? Bird seed in a box?
Mum: Yes. That’s it.
Me: *rrrrip* (that’s me tearing my hair out)
*other bird seed brands are available.
** she calls him Boris cos he’s blue (Tory party colour) after Boris Johnston
