I made a quiet promise to myself that I was going to blog once a week this year. I didn’t ‘go public’ with it because that just adds pressure and makes me less likely to do it, just to be awkward. I’m like that.
Anyhoo, for a variety of reasons too boring and personal to go into, I feel I’m slipping back into a depressive period again. I tell you this not to get sympathy; Lord knows, there are many far, far worse than me out there. I tell you because I’m not ashamed of mental illness and if I had broken my leg I’d certainly be moaning long and hard about that.
I’ve been through enough depressive periods to recognise the symptoms by now. I withdraw, get quiet, get irrationally angry at little things. Thank gawd I have the maturity to hold my tongue in work because some customers have been doing my napper in. And I’m not coping with stupid people too well at the moment either. I gave up watching the news and reading newspapers a few months ago because they were contributing heavily to my downward spiral. Some people say it’s burying my head in the sand. I say the sand is protecting my head from the shit out there.
I need to get out and about more – walking helps, as does sitting at the sea, watching the grey waves under the grey sky rage against the beach. It makes me feel small and insignificant and, for some reason, that helps.
My dogs help too, all three of the little buggers. The new pup, Isla, is a handful, but she is affectionate, smart and hilarious. It’s hard to believe so much personality comes from such a tiny package – she only weight 1.5kg.
My family help by being there, but in some ways I feel worse because I feel, as I’m sure all depressives do, that I am a burden to them when I’m not my bright and sunny self.
One thing I hope will make a big difference to me – and to many other depressed people out there – is getting a wriggle on with the #TweeHee project. I need to make time to finish going through all the fabulous jokes and choosing the best to put into Crying With Laughter. If you don’t know about this yet, please head over to www.TweeHee.org to find out about the project. And if you are a publisher who would be interested in backing us, all profits/royalties will go to Sane who provide marvelous support for people with mental health problems.
Off for a cuppa now. Is there anything a cup of tea doesn’t help with? And like I said, broken leg or brokeb head: they both heal in time.
How do you cope with your depression? I’d be interested to know.